we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize