The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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