he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
