Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Randomize
