Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
He better not be in your backpack
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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