So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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