im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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