PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Fuck appropriateness.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Randomize
