I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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