i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
