so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
