Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
