He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
