Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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