dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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