you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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