Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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