Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
