Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize