Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Randomize
