Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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