she was so not down for the gang bang
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
