State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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