What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize