I wish i was in the wii world.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
