Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize