capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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