Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize
