i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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