so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
