after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
