I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
it's great music for shaving your balls
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
