how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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