Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
