i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
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