this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Randomize
