WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
