I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
