That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
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