just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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