I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
