If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
