Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
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