Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
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