someone get that fucking seahorse.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
