I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize