My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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