So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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