Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
