Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Randomize
