Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
