Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
