How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
