Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
