Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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