I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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