How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
