Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
