oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize