You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
