Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize