and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
