This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
