Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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