I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
