I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Four minutes until I can fart!
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
