I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
