It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
