If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
