New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize