let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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