her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
