Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
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