no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Randomize
