ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize