I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Found your dick twin last night
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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