Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
