we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
