well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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