i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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