This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
