I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
