i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
