I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
i think i just lost a toe
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
