His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
