I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Randomize
