hotel room ftw
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
