Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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